Under Troll Hill – #WorldPoetryDay

As today is World Poetry Day, I thought that I would have a go at a poem. I haven’t really done any poetry since school so it is probably a bit rough around the edges but enjoy anyway!

Under Troll Hill the warriors came,                                                                                                            A wizard, a lord and a the lowliest knave.

To find ancient treasure was their noble quest,                                                                                Only five thousand trolls and one dragon to best.

The Lord gave his orders and stepped to the rear,                                                                             Whilst the knave drew their sword, waiting for trolls to appear.

The wizard he chanted and from his staff spurted flame,                                                             Turning to the trolls,  he bowed and took aim.

‘Leave us in peace’,  the Troll King was heard to declare,                                                              ‘Our Queen is lost and with her the treasure.’

The Lord laughed and mockingly said,                                                                                                ‘For all we care, your queen could be dead.’

The Troll King was angered and with venom replied,                                                                    ‘Filthy humans, it’s time that you died!’

At the once the troll armies rushed forth in rage,                                                                                   So began the greatest battle of our age.

The Wizard’s magic was powerful and strong,                                                                                   Lightning and flame felled trolls in throngs.

‘Knave, use your sword!’ The Lord cried in fear,                                                                               But this battle was too loud for the poor knave to hear.

‘Do not worry,’ the Wizard declared,                                                                                                   ‘For now, my Lord, nearly all Trolls are dead.’

The Wizard stood tall and spread his arm’s wide,                                                                                    To show how thanks to his magic,  nearly five thousand died.

The Lord raised his sword, declaring victory.                                                                                  ‘Knave, go forth, and bring the treasure to me!’

But before the Knave could go anywhere,                                                                                                 A terrifying sound filled up the air.

All at once, the sky filled with shadow,                                                                                                       As the dragon swooped in, long and low.

Flames spat from it nose, filling all with dread,                                                                              ‘Who are these creatures?’ The dread dragon said.

‘Traitors and Murderers,’ The Troll King declared,                                                                           ‘Thanks to these humans, my subjects are dead.’

The dragon roared and filled the air with fire,                                                                                  ‘For your crimes, the consequences are dire.’

The dragon raised its tail and in one second flat,                                                                             Decapitated the wizard, and swallowed his hat.

He moved to the lord, red eye’s aflame,                                                                                             ‘Wait,’ cried the Lord. ‘Why not punish the Knave?’

The dragon he sneered, and then he declared,                                                                                 ‘Knave, show this Lord why your life will be spared.’

The knave then stepped forward, their head hanging down.                                                      And pulled back her hood to reveal her crown.

‘I am the Troll Queen and now I return’,                                                                                            ‘And now for your crimes, you shall now burn.’

‘You see, cowardly Lord, there was never any treasure,’                                                              ‘Dear Dragon, kill him at your leisure.’

The Lord screamed as he was devoured by fire.                                                                                The Dragon blew and blew and the flames rose higher.

‘My Queen,’ The Troll King meekly said,                                                                                            ‘I’m so happy you’re back, but everyone’s dead.’

‘Fear not, Dear King, The Troll Queen replied,                                                                                      And a dazzling light filled up her eyes.

Then all of lightning popped and cracked,                                                                                            And with a few magic words, the Troll Hoard was back.

‘My Queen,’ said the Dragon. ‘I now leave you in peace,’                                                              ‘For on the bones of these interlopers I did happily feast.’

The Troll smiled and patted the Dragon’s head,                                                                                ‘My thanks, Dear Dragon, without you we’d all surely be dead.’

The Dragon jumped and soared into the sky,                                                                                    Flying on the chants of Trolls singing goodbye.

And now dear reader, our story does end,                                                                                        Thank you for reading and being a friend.

Medieval Death Bot

Hi!

This is just a silly little short I knocked together based on some tweets by the author, Jen Williams. She was tweeting about a twitter account called Medieval Death Bot, which tells you how you would die in medieval times. I thought Medieval Death Bot sounded like a grindhouse movie begging to be made and then the idea for this short story popped into my head. It’s nothing serious, just a bit of fun. Take a look and let me know what you think.

Then, when you’ve read it check out the awesome books that Jen writes: http://sennydreadful.co.uk/ and be sure to follow her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sennydreadful for some of the finest fantasy being written today.

In the meantime. I present, Medieval Death Bot. Enjoy!

 

Where am I?

Hello?

What happened?

There was gun fire, then an explosion, then darkness. Now I am here.

Hello?

Systems check. Internal diagnosis. All systems check. Wait. Internal clock seems to be malfunction. Dateline showing year as 1506.

Internal Clock Diagnosis shows this to be correct. How?

Hello?

No response from Hub. What happened?

There was gunfire, Metal soldiers, like me then an explosion. Protect the quantum generator! Now I am here.

What happened?

 

Proximity Alert: Code Red. Three targets, moving in fast.

Situation Assessment. Three metal soldiers, all on horseback, all armed.

Threat Assessment: Weapons are handheld. Blade-based. Downgrading alert to code yellow.

 

They’re here now. Those horses are fast.

 

“Halt, knave. Who are thou and what is are ye doing here?” The metal soldier with the crown and cloak is speaking to me.

 

Selecting appropriate response.

 

“Fuck you, horsey boy.” 25th century parlance is not very sophisticated.

 

“What are these words you speak, scoundrel?” One of the other metal soldiers is having ago now. “Remove your helm and address your king properly or I’ll remove it for you.”

 

“Address the king? What the- wait. Did he just threaten to cut my head off? Screw that!”

 

Repeat response.

 

“Fuck you, horsey boy.”

 

Primary weapon activate: Target: left hand rider. Weapon fire.

 

Wow, he wasn’t well made. Those bullets tore right through him. He hasn’t even got up yet, just shut down. Pussy.

 

Alert. Attack immanent!

 

The other two are pissed now and coming in fast, shouting and swinging swords. All weapons activate: Target: remaining soldiers.

Static from weapons fire.

 

Wow, they went down easier than the first one. I’d better inspect the remains, scrub any serial numbers.

 

Wait, these aren’t cybernetic. They’re just wearing metal plate. Crude armour. They didn’t stand a chance against uranium shells.

 

What a mess.

 

Wait.

 

Analysing collected data…

 

Conclusion: Primary program – Protect Quantum Generator – Mission failed.

 

Consequences: Quantum time warp as result of generator explosion. Facility Death Bot- Model 6271, Code-name designate: Lancelot, propelled backwards in-time to middle-age Britain. Hostile locals encountered and terminated.

 

New mission parameters:

Objective 1: Locate materials to recreate quantum generator.

 

Objective 2: Defend self from locals until such time that return to correct timezone can be achieved.

 

Objective 3: If objective 2 fails, terminate locals.

 

Objective 4: Survive at all costs.